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Vậy là Valentine, và em nhìn thấy quanh mình cũng toàn những người không có tình yêu, hoặc tình yêu đã trở nên cũ trong tim như là em vậy. Lễ tình nhân bây giờ dường như chỉ dành cho teen, ai đã từng trải qua mất mát, khổ đau đều không thấy hạnh phúc trong ngày này, dù ở đâu đó vẫn có người yêu họ. Em cũng thế và người cũng thế!
Có những người cô đơn ôm quá khứ thổn thức, rồi nhắn cho người mình vẫn còn yêu một lời chúc Valentine hạnh phúc. Vô nghĩa làm sao khi mong họ hạnh phúc với ai đó. Họ hạnh phúc rồi mình có vui chăng? Hay ngập một nỗi mủi lòng vì tủi thân cho bất hạnh cuả mình?
Có những người không có ai để yêu thương, nên kiếm một người cùng cảnh ngộ long rong ra đường ngắm tình nhân dập dìu lướt qua, để rồi ai đó cũng nhìn thấy họ và nghĩ rằng họ có đôi như ai. Một bức rèm trắng che đi mảng tường loang lổ, để đẹp trong tạm thời, khi bức rèm rơi xuống, loang lổ vẫn hoàn loang lổ mà thôi.
Có những người vô cảm với tình, online tự hỏi, tự lý giải 14 tháng 2 là ngày gì? Họ chưa biết yêu, hoặc họ đã không còn yêu được nữa, nên Valentine giống như là một người Việt ngơ ngác hỏi 4/7 là ngày gì mà dân Mỹ nhộn nhạo lên hẳn.
Bạn bè em toàn thế cả thôi, ai cũng cô đơn và chạnh lòng trong ngày này. Em cũng đỡ tủi, vì ít ra thấy mình không quá buồn như nhiều người khác, em cứ nhìn xuống, để thấy rằng mình đang rất vững vàng. Phía trên toàn những người xa lạ yêu nhau, em nhìn lên làm gì, biết đâu rằng họ cũng chỉ đang chìm vào một ảo tưởng sắp tàn.
Em không có hy vọng gặp người ngày hôm nay, vì chúng mình đã chia tay, đơn giản người nhỉ? Vậy mà người đã đến giữa giấc ngủ mệt mỏi của em, bằng một dáng hình cũ đã nhuốm màu tiều tuỳ.
Không có em, chắc người cũng dằn vặt nhiều lắm, nên người mới bị gầy đi thế kia, da mặt người sạm màu u uẩn và thần thái người như một buổi chiều đông sương giăng ảm đạm. Em là nguyên cớ hiện tại của người, còn người lại là bắt nguồn cho những đau khổ điên rồ của em. Cứ vô ý rạch nên vết thương nơi trái tim nhau, em và người xứng đôi quá thể. Người đến, mang chocolate và thú bông cho em, rồi đến lúc người định về, sự không đành lòng đổ đầy cho em một lít nước mắt. Lệ quá nhiều cho một cuộc tình ngắn, người vắt kiệt mình như thế, thì sau em còn yêu nổi ai sâu đậm nữa không?
Sao chúng mình chẳng thể sống vui vẻ bên nhau? Sao chúng mình cứ dằn vặt nhau vì tương lai chưa tới? Em chẳng có gì hiện hữu dành cho người vào Valentine, chỉ một điệu cười méo xẹo và lời năn nỉ: “…đừng về, hãy để kết thúc vào ngày mai…”. Nhưng rồi người cũng đi, vì người sợ ngày mai sẽ nối dài những niềm đau trong người.
Em đã từng kể về bạn em ý, cô bạn mà có cậu người yêu hứa hẹn cưới xin đã mấy năm trời đó. Hiện tại hai người ở khá xa nhau, bởi cô ấy đang phải học cao học. Hồi mới đến ở với em, chỉ toàn thấy cô ấy gọi điện về cho cậu ta, vậy mà cậu ta có thể ghen tuông đe doạ giải tán tình yêu bất cứ lúc nào. Bị em tác động nhiều quá, nên dần cô ấy tách khỏi vị thế của một kẻ chạy theo rồi. Gần đây, cô ấy thôi không gọi điện cho cậu ta nữa, để xem cậu ta có biết đường mà gọi lại thăm hỏi xem người yêu mình sống thế nào không. Mỗi buổi tối cô ấy đều ngồi đếm thời gian bằng một cú pháp “Ôi, hôm nay đã là ngày thứ X không thèm gọi cho tớ rồi!”. Em bảo: Nó không tốt, nó vô tâm, nó sống không chút tình cảm và nó không hề yêu thương, thì bận tâm đến nó làm gì. Rồi em so sánh với người: hãy nhìn lại người của em đi! Tốt như thế! Chăm lo cho em như thế! Yêu em như thế! Mà chỉ vì không dám hứa hẹn với em về tương lai, em đã phải từ bỏ rồi… Huống chi là một kẻ cạn tình, mình lỡ có đột tử, chắc cũng phải đến lúc hạ huyệt mới hay. Cô bạn em quyết tâm không vương vấn nhiều nữa, cậu ta không biết giữ, thì mất cũng sẽ không biết. Nhưng tối nay em thấy cô ấy âm thầm khóc, vì thấy mình bị bỏ rơi một cách thảm hại, hoặc cô ấy tủi thân khi người mình đang yêu không bằng một phần triệu tình cảm của một-người-đã-trở-thành-người-yêu-cũ của em như người. Người không tệ, mà em còn thấy tệ, hồ chi cái gã tệ hại trong mắt rất nhiều người, mà cô ấy lỡ yêu…
Vì thế em thôi cay nghiệt, để bình thản nhìn lại một mùa yêu. Giữa hạ trước, nếu em không giữ người ở bên, chắc cũng sẽ có một người khác. Dẫu đường tình dài ngắn, hẳn cũng chẳng giống em và người hiện tại, đã kết thúc mà vẫn miên man bất tận những ưu sầu.
Không có người, em vẫn sống ổn, thậm chí em trở nên nghị lực để làm tốt những điều khác hơn. Nhưng chỉ cần người xuất hiện trước mặt, là em sẽ lại khoác lên mình vẻ cô độc thảm hại, chẳng ai cần, chẳng ai muốn,… chỉ để người phải bận tâm, và ở lại để kéo em đến với niềm vui. Nghĩa là, không có người em có một cuộc sống khác, những thú vị khác, nhưng chỉ cần người đưa cho em một chọn lựa, em sẽ bỏ hết không màng điều gì… vì ý muốn được ở bên người đã che lấp những điều khác, dù phía sau đó là cả một tương lai màu hồng.
Giống như việc em đang cố níu kéo người, mà trong thâm tâm không hề muốn như thế. Mà nếu em có thể muốn, thì đó là việc chúng ta sống vui vẻ bên nhau như trước đây, chẳng muộn phiền vì thứ trách nhiệm chưa đến. Để em không phải sầu, để người không phải đau. Nhưng đã lỡ, sợi dây “không thể” cứ trói chặt vào tâm can, biết cách nào gỡ.
Vốn dĩ từ khi chia tay, em đã nghĩ hai chúng ta chẳng khi nào tìm nhau nữa, nên ngày ngày em gửi vào blog những dòng thư này, cho những người không đến được với nhau, như em và người. Và em lên kế hoạch cho nó kết thúc vào đúng valentine, đủ 8 câu chuyện để kể cho người nghe cho vừa 8 tháng yêu nhau. 8 tháng chẳng dài so với năm, nhưng lại chẳng ngắn ngủi với những ngày bên nhau.
Người à! Ngày xưa người trách chẳng bao giờ em chịu nói thẳng ra những điều mình nghĩ cả. Vui buồn bất ngờ, giận hờn thất thường, khiến người không biết đường nào mà lần. Giờ thì em nói hết, chẳng giữ điều gì nữa, vì đằng nào nó cũng trôi theo quá khứ. Chất hết những oán trách, yêu thương và những ước mơ dang dở vào những dòng thư, em gửi tặng người, một món quà cuối, một điều sau cuối em làm vì người. Valentine em chẳng có thứ vật chất nào tặng người cả, nên em tặng người tất cả những phức tạp trong tâm hồn em suốt 8 tháng qua. Người giữ lại trong lòng, hay thả bay theo gió về nơi đâu thì cũng không còn quan trọng nữa. Vì điều em nghĩ là quan trọng đã không còn, khi vết rạn đã nứt rộng và ngăn chúng ta không còn ở cạnh nhau rồi người ạ! Em bình tâm lại sau những cơn điên bột phát của mình, nên sẽ không dằn vặt để cả người và em cùng đau làm gì nữa. Người bỏ em đi là đúng mà, vì yêu em có bao giờ người được thanh thản đâu. Nên em không trách người nữa… không trách bất cứ điều gì.
Valentine, em chỉ tiếc một điều, người không chịu ở lại bên em lâu hơn để cùng ăn hết hộp chocolate đắng. Nếu là trước đây, sẽ để dành rồi chờ người trở lại ăn tiếp. Song giờ đây em chẳng còn gì để đợi nữa, nên em đang ăn một mình, thấy thích vị đắng đến lạ! Có lẽ vì nó đã quá quen với cuộc sống của em, người nhỉ?
Đường đi càng xa, càng nếm nhiều vị đắng,
cho đến một ngày gợi lại lúc nguyên sơ,
sẽ tìm thấy ngọt ngào,…
tiếc rằng đã qua… ĐÃ HẾT
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H ồ i â m : … tôi vẫn gọi tên em trong suốt cơn mê cuộc đời… With you all the time, not me. But my mind and my heart, including in my tears…
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Hi Keng
Bài viết hay , rất là gần gũi với tâm trạng của mình
Cảm ơn bạn, đọc những gì bạn víêt mới thấy mình ko phải đang dấm dớ 
^^ Sao lai la ngay cua nhung ke ngoc duoc nhi^^ hj hj
Tình yêu nào cũng ngọt ngào pha lẫn đắng cay. Đắng cay càng nhiều tình càng sâu đậm.
Tuoi minh` dau con` mong muon’ Valentine den’. Niem` vui thi` it’ noi~ buon` thi` nhieu`. Hom qua N cung~ co’ qua` nhung ma` tho o lam’.
Tuoi minh` dau con` mong muon’ Valentine den’. Niem` vui thi` it’ noi~ buon` thi` nhieu`. Hom qua N cung~ co’ qua` nhung ma` tho o lam’.
Tuoi minh` dau con` mong muon’ Valentine den’. Niem` vui thi` it’ noi~ buon` thi` nhieu`. Hom qua N cung~ co’ qua` nhung ma` tho o lam’.
Minh rat hieu tam trang cua ban ! Vi minh cung da thon thuc va gam nham noi co don trong 1 dem valetime nam tran troc …
http://www.nhaccuatui.com/nghe?M=nMFkjNcpiA
Life is made simple, but it’s human who makes it complex.
Chao Keng. Doc blog cua ban thay co nhieu thu sao ma giong minh den the. Buon buon
Chào Bạn, tò mò đọc blog của Bạn sau khi tình cờ Hắn mua sách Dị Bản của Bạn. Thật thú vi khi nhìn ngày lễ Valenine dưới cặp mắt một mí của Bạn..có nhiều điều Hắn muốn trò chuyện cùng Bạn nhưng… giữ lại làm của riêng cho Hắn cũng hay hay.
Là ngày hạnh phúc của những kẻ đang yêu. Và là ngày buồn của những kẻ đang trong thời gian chia tay.
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