Bài đăng trên TT chủ nhật 19/09/2010, Click View Original Post
TT – Một thay đổi rất dễ nhận ra trong các lễ cưới bây giờ là các cô dâu không còn “khóc như thiếu nữ vu quy” thuở xưa. Hầu hết họ đều cười rạng rỡ, tươi xinh trong ngày hợp hôn. Nhưng có là người trong cuộc mới cảm nhận được những “cơn mưa” dấm dứt, thậm chí là “dông tố” khốc liệt trước một ngày nắng đẹp.
| Hôn nhân sẽ khởi đầu cho một chặng đường yêu đương nồng thắm hơn nếu cả hai cùng biết vun vén (ảnh minh họa) – Ảnh: T.T.D. |
Virut “gây cúm”
Chọn người để yêu là đặc quyền của rất nhiều bạn gái, song quyết định kết hôn lại chủ yếu phụ thuộc vào các chàng trai. Một ngày đẹp trời để giã từ cuộc sống độc thân, với đa số các chàng chỉ là “đến thời điểm” cần hoặc muốn, còn với các cô gái có thể là một trời hoang mang, khó đoán định nổi tương lai đang chờ phía trước. Bởi thế, khủng hoảng tiền hôn nhân chính là thủ phạm làm đau lòng biết bao cô gái chuẩn bị “theo chồng bỏ cuộc chơi”.
| “Hãy mở thật to mắt trước khi cưới, sau đó nhắm hờ”
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN |
Thu Hiền (26 tuổi, Hà Nội) kể lại cơn khủng hoảng không thể vượt qua trước hôn lễ đã định: “Tôi và bạn trai cũ chia tay trước lễ cưới ba ngày. Yêu nhau bốn năm nhưng đến khi gần cưới tôi mới nhận ra mình không hiểu anh ấy. Chỉ vì tôi muốn thay đổi vài chi tiết trong lễ cưới mà anh ấy không chấp nhận. Thế là xảy ra cãi vã trước mặt gia đình hai bên. Tự nhiên tôi thấy chồng tương lai và cha mẹ của anh ấy thật xa lạ.
Dù thiệp mời đã gửi nhưng tôi vẫn quyết định hủy đám cưới mặc cho bản thân sốc nặng, hụt hẫng. Người đàn ông không thể đồng cảm hay nhường nhịn mình trong chuyện rất nhỏ thì làm sao có thể sống cùng!”.
Một đám cưới dù giản đơn hay long trọng thì chung quy cũng hướng đến giây phút hạnh phúc tuyệt vời nhất đời của cô dâu, chú rể. Thế nhưng, các cặp đôi sắp cưới thường phải đối mặt với tâm lý rối rắm trước khi diễn ra hôn sự. Mỗi người một tâm trạng, một mớ nỗi lo khiến những cuộc va chạm nảy lửa dễ bùng phát, kéo theo là sự bất cần, buông bỏ khi mọi thứ sẵn sàng như kết thúc buồn của Thu Hiền.
Không “bạo phát, bạo tàn”, cơn khủng hoảng tiền hôn nhân của Ngọc Quý (25 tuổi, TP.HCM) dai dẳng gần một năm khiến cô sợ cưới. Dù người yêu tha thiết muốn rước nàng về dinh nhưng Ngọc Quý vẫn dè dặt “chờ em suy nghĩ kỹ”.
Cô sợ “hôn nhân là mồ chôn tình yêu”, sợ người yêu khi đổi thành chồng cũng đổi tính, sợ cuộc sống độc thân khi chuyển sang có đôi cũng khiến mình chuyển nết, sợ những thủ tục rườm rà mà lễ nghi và luật pháp áp đặt lên hôn nhân, rồi sợ những điều vô hình khác. Có lẽ thế nên nhiều cặp đôi quyết định chuyển tàu vào phút cuối (Tuổi Trẻ 8-8-2010) vì không chống đỡ nổi những cú bạo kích của virut khủng hoảng tiền hôn nhân.
Làm sao đề kháng?
Thật khó để những bạn trẻ (chủ yếu là phái nữ) có sẵn hệ miễn dịch với virut gây cúm đám cưới, nếu không được “tiêm phòng” từ sớm. Ngày nay, bạn không cần mò mẫm mà đã có nhiều tổ chức điều chế “văcxin” giúp bạn có cuộc hôn nhân khỏe mạnh, hạnh phúc, vững bền. Đó là các lớp học tiền hôn nhân trang bị cho các cô dâu, chú rể tương lai phát triển kỹ năng chung sống và biết cách điều trị những cơn “trái gió trở trời” bất thường, khó lường xảy đến với hôn nhân.
Ngoài ra, bạn trẻ hoàn toàn có thể tự trang bị cho mình sức đề kháng trong thời đại thông tin mở rộng và chia sẻ như hiện tại.
N.H. (23 tuổi) và T.H. (29 tuổi) chuẩn bị tổ chức đám cưới vào cuối năm 2010 tại TP.HCM. Cô gái trẻ N.H đã lôi kéo được người yêu bận rộn của mình tham gia lớp học tiền hôn nhân. N.H. chia sẻ: “Tôi phải thuyết phục rất nhiều người yêu mới chịu thu xếp công việc đến lớp học kỹ năng khi sống chung và kiến thức về hôn nhân. Tôi nghĩ cuộc sống vợ chồng không đơn thuần như lúc yêu nhau, trách nhiệm với gia đình cần có sự tận tâm của cả hai chứ không riêng một người”.
Ở các lớp học này, bạn trẻ như N.H. và T.H. nhận được sự tư vấn, chia sẻ kinh nghiệm của các chuyên gia tư vấn tâm lý về các kỹ năng: thực hiện kế hoạch tổ chức đám cưới thông minh, phương pháp kế hoạch hóa gia đình, chăm sóc sức khỏe sinh sản, khám phá bí mật của đời sống vợ chồng, vòng xoáy hôn nhân và các giai đoạn phát triển gia đình…
Đám cưới là sự khởi đầu của chặng đường yêu đương nồng thắm hơn, đừng vì sự dễ cảm nhiễm của mình với những tác động vô hình mà hình dung hôn nhân là sự kết thúc. Dù bạn chỉ mới tưởng tượng cũng là lúc tình yêu bắt đầu bị cúm.
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