TT – 30 tuổi đối với nam giới làm gì cũng bình thường, nhưng phụ nữ dễ gặp điều tiếng. Nếu chưa kết hôn mà nếm “trái cấm” có thể họ sẽ bị phê phán, song nếu cố giữ mình có khi bị cho là… không bình thường.
| Yêu trong sáng qua một “rào chắn” ở tuổi 30 có phải “ngược dòng”? (ảnh mang tính minh họa) – Ảnh: Cafe Nâu |
Khúc hát lỡ thì chốn quê
Chuyện những phụ nữ muộn chồng ở quê vốn không hiếm. Có nhiều nguyên nhân khiến các cô thôn nữ đi ngược dòng trong xu hướng lấy chồng ở tuổi đôi mươi. Nhưng đôi khi lý do khiến họ chưa thể lấy chồng lại rất nhân văn và đơn giản, giống như người chị trong nhạc phẩm Chị tôi (nhạc sĩ Trần Tiến), họ mang trên vai gánh nặng gia đình quá lớn khiến không người đàn ông nào đủ dũng cảm đưa vai san sẻ, gánh giúp một phần.
Chị Sửu (39 tuổi, quê Nam Định) chưa chồng và gần 20 năm chị phải quán xuyến cuộc sống của người cha già và cô em gái câm. Sống ở quê như thế không cách gì lấy nổi chồng. Đôi lúc chị hối tiếc thời son trẻ vài cậu trai làng theo đuổi, nhưng vì không nỡ bỏ cha và em để theo chồng, chị khước từ dần cho đến tuổi vãn chiều mới thấy đời mình quạnh quẽ. Chị Sửu tâm sự: “Mình không đành lòng vì tình riêng mà bỏ tình thân. Nhiều lúc khát khao mái ấm gia đình lắm nhưng không thể được. Thôi thì cứ như bà cô của Thị Nở bảo đã nhịn được đến giờ thì nhịn thêm có làm sao”!
| Phụ nữ ngại yêu: có thể do hoàn cảnh sống
Theo bác sĩ Lê Thúy Tươi, phụ nữ hay nam giới khi bước vào tuổi dậy thì đều có những ham muốn trong tình cảm cũng như tình dục. Nhưng phụ nữ giỏi kìm nén ham muốn hơn nam giới. Nếu nói một số phụ nữ độ tuổi gần hay ngoài 30 không có ham muốn trong “chuyện ấy” là chưa hoàn toàn đúng, song ở VN phụ nữ thường ngại nói ra những chuyện tế nhị này. Những phụ nữ chưa biết hoặc ngại “chuyện ấy” vì nhiều nguyên nhân. Đó có thể là do môi trường, hoàn cảnh sống vốn bị trói buộc trong một khuôn phép giáo dục, nề nếp gia phong, từ nhỏ đã bị cấm đi chơi với con trai, hay mẹ dặn không được để người khác cầm tay, đụng chạm… Một số khác chưa có ham muốn vì chẳng biết chuyện ấy như thế nào và khi biết rồi có thể ham muốn nhiều hơn. Hoặc có những người từng biết lại thấy chẳng có gì thích thú nên lãng quên… Có một thực tế là ở nhiều phụ nữ bị kìm nén, khi gặp một chàng trai mạnh mẽ thì trong họ ngay lập tức bùng lên luồng cảm xúc bất tận, đôi khi không cần biết đó có phải là tình yêu không… XUÂN T.P. ghi |
Nếp sống ở thôn quê đã khép kín hạnh phúc của nhiều phụ nữ, bởi quanh quẩn sau lũy tre làng họ khó có thể biết cách tìm kiếm bạn trăm năm.Không “vượt rào” nơi thành thị
Nhịp đời phủ sắc phồn hoa khiến cư dân thành thị phóng khoáng hơn, thậm chí cũng có người buông thả, dễ dãi trong yêu đương. Song người ta vẫn còn gặp rất nhiều cô gái có quan điểm sống “giữ mình”. Nhưng cách nghĩ của nhiều người thành phố, nhất là các bạn trẻ, lại cho rằng việc đó thật “kỳ cục”, khiến sâu thẳm trong không ít cô nàng ấy lại hoài nghi: có nên “vượt rào” trước tuổi 30?
H.C. (28 tuổi, sống tại Hà Nội) suốt ngày bị cha mẹ, anh chị giục giã yêu đương và kiếm chồng. Không ai muốn tương lai của C. là một bà cô ế chồng khó tính. Tuy nhiên, những chàng trai từng đầu mày cuối mắt với C. lại luôn muốn cô chứng tỏ tình yêu “hết mình” với họ. Tất nhiên C. kịch liệt phản đối, đến khi 28 tuổi cô bắt đầu suy xét xem mình có quá cổ hủ trong lối nghĩ.
Và rồi C. quyết định chọn một việc cần làm trước 30 tuổi là “vượt rào”. C. chia sẻ: “Khi trò chuyện với bạn bè, mọi người thường đem chuyện ấy ra bàn tán và luôn cười cợt sự ngu ngơ của mình nên mình quyết định trải nghiệm “chuyện ấy”, vì nếu không làm bây giờ biết đâu sau này sẽ hối tiếc”…
Còn L.T. (sống tại TP.HCM) chưa từng yêu ai. Thường chuyện tình cảm chỉ mới dừng ở mức thinh thích, rồi bỗng nhận ra người ấy không hợp tính mình và dập tắt ngay ngọn lửa tình vừa nhen nhóm. Dù mấp mé tuổi 30 nhưng L.T. vẫn quyết lội ngược dòng chảy của lối sống hiện đại, không buông thả với bất cứ người đàn ông nào kém cỏi hơn mong mỏi của mình.
Hay với M.T., nhân viên một công ty đa quốc gia, cũng vậy. M.T. không lên án chuyện quan hệ tình dục trước hôn nhân, nhưng cô không muốn nếm trải bởi suy nghĩ “phải dành giây phút tốt đẹp ấy cho đêm tân hôn”. Bạn bè xung quanh nhiều người khuyến khích cô nên thử phiêu lưu, thậm chí có ý kiến “thật có lỗi với bản thân nếu phí phạm tuổi thanh xuân cho việc chờ đợi một người đàn ông”, song M.T. vẫn “chung thủy” với quyết định của mình.
Cuộc sống của cô ngoài 48 giờ/tuần bận rộn với công việc là chuỗi thời gian thư giãn, du lịch với bạn bè và tụ họp nấu nướng cùng gia đình dịp cuối tuần… Có lẽ đây là điểm khác duy nhất của L.T., M.T. với H.C., khi cả ba cô gái chốn thị thành đều từng trải qua một đời sống son trẻ trong lành.
Còn nhiều cô gái như H.C., L.T., M.T. Ai cũng bước qua dấu mốc 30 tuổi để nhận ra sự chuyển biến về suy nghĩ và cuộc sống. Song quan niệm “giữ mình” và kiên quyết không vượt rào có trái tự nhiên, và cuộc sống hạnh phúc hay không là do chính mình kiến tạo chứ không phụ thuộc suy nghĩ của người khác?
HẰNG SƠN
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Tình yêu như viên xúc xắc Phụ nữ tuổi 30 không còn tìm người hoàn hảo để yêu mà đã biết yêu một người không hoàn hảo. Ngày sinh nhật 30 tuổi, theo đúng chuẩn của Rachel trong Xúc xắc tình yêu (tác giả Emily Giffin), là một ngày sinh nhật đầm ấm với gia đình gồm người chồng hoàn hảo và hai đứa con. Hay ít ra đó là những gì cô tưởng tượng khi vừa tốt nghiệp trung học. Nhưng thời gian dường như cứ thế trôi qua với Rachel cùng một công việc nhàm chán và sự cô đơn trong thành phố gần 1 triệu dân. Là người sống quy củ từ bé và rồi khi tuổi 30 ập đến bất chợt Rachel nhận ra dường như quá muộn để làm bất kỳ điều gì nổi loạn, điên rồ hay phá cách.
Đêm sinh nhật tuổi 30 dường như là sự giằng xé nho nhỏ, vừa bất an về tương lai, vừa đôi chút tiếc nuối quá khứ. Đó là cảm giác chông chênh như đứng trên một chiếc bập bênh, khi nghĩ rằng những năm tháng tuổi 20 sẽ chấm dứt, một chương của cuộc đời sẽ vĩnh viễn khép lại. Và lần đầu tiên trong cuộc đời Rachel hoang mang không biết mình đi về đâu….Rachel uống quá chén và lên giường với chồng sắp cưới của cô bạn thân nhất của mình. Khởi đầu là một kiểu sự cố ngoài ý muốn, nhưng dần dần cô nhận ra đây là người đàn ông cả đời cô tìm kiếm. Anh dường như là cơ hội cuối cùng trong chương u tối của cuộc đời cô những năm 20 tuổi và cũng có thể là sự mở đầu. Trải qua đủ các cảm giác tội lỗi, dằn vặt, nuối tiếc, đứng giữa lựa chọn một tình bạn thân hàng bao nhiêu năm với người đàn ông của đời mình, Rachel nhận ra đôi lúc cần phải đánh cược tất cả những gì mình có để giành lấy hạnh phúc. Hạnh phúc không thể đến từ trò xúc xắc may rủi mà do chính mình tạo ra. Từ một người phụ nữ luôn lựa chọn những giải pháp an toàn, thận trọng và mong mọi thứ sẽ đâu vào đấy, cô yêu Dex, từ đó mọi thứ luôn mới mẻ và đầy bất ngờ. “Tôi chợt nghĩ chìa khóa của hạnh phúc không phụ thuộc việc có được một người đàn ông. Người phụ nữ mạnh mẽ, độc lập có thể tự cảm nhận được mình đầy đủ, trọn vẹn rồi…”. Tuổi 30 cũng chỉ là một con số, rằng bạn chỉ già khi nào bạn cảm thấy mình già, chẳng phải vậy sao? KẸO NGỐC |
401 Bình luận
Chia sẻ cùng tác giả
Tôi 34 tuổi, độc thân và chưa từng vượt rào… Trong các câu chuyện xoay quanh cuộc sống của tôi với những người thân trong gia đình, với đồng nghiệp và với đối tác tôi không thể tránh né cái chủ đề “ế chồng” muôn thuở : “..dạ,chắc tại cháu không mắc nợ ai”, ” …tại em đoảng quá nên mẹ em chưa gả đấy chứ..”, “…ờ mình đặt may áo cưới rồi, giờ chỉ đang chờ chú rể xuất hiện thôi..”…
Công việc của tôi ổn định, thu nhập tương đối, tôi cũng duyên dáng. Tôi vẫn họp mặt với mấy cô bạn thân mà con cái của họ đã vào cấp một. Tôi làm trưởng ban nữ công nên kiêm luôn việc “lắng nghe” những chuyện hỉ nộ ái ố của các bà vợ nơi văn phòng. Và mỗi lẩn nhìn cái cách tôi nựng nịu mấy đứa trẻ con hàng xóm mẹ tôi thở dài : “..phải nhanh lấy chồng mới được con à”.
Tôi không lên án phong trào sống gấp hay sống thoáng nhưng tôi là người muốn gìn giữ nền nếp gia đình, điều đó đâu có gì là bất bình thường?!. Sau mối tình tan vỡ, thay vì gấp gáp tìm một người yêu khác thay thế tôi đã sống chậm hơn và sống hài hòa hơn sao cho mỗi ngày mới của mình luôn vui vẻ.
Và tôi tin nửa kia của tôi cũng đang chờ đợi tôi ở một nơi nào đó. Tuy cùng cảnh ngộ với các “quý cô 30 – một mình”, nhưng tôi không quá mẫn cảm trước sự quan tâm hơi thái quá của mọi người xung quanh. Nếu bạn hơn 30 tuổi và bạn vẫn còn độc thân, thì đã sao?! Tôi đồng ý kiến với câu kết của tác giả : cuộc sống hạnh phúc hay không là do chính mình kiến tạo chứ không phụ thuộc suy nghĩ của người khác.
Bình thường
Tôi nghĩ tại sao lại nặng nề với phụ nữ tuổi ba mươi? Không có gì cả, tôi lấy chồng sớm nhưng bạn bè tôi nhiều người ba mươi tuổi vẫn chưa. Tôi thấy họ vẫn vui vẻ, đôi khi tôi đùa bạn tôi (vẫn chưa vượt rào) rằng hay thử một lần đi, nó cười cũng không phải là giữ mình hay không, đừng để nguyên tắc chi phối mình. Mà cứ vui vẻ sống, tình yêu đến mà mình thấy chân thành thì mình sẽ đi theo hướng của nó, còn không thì mình sống và làm việc bình thường. Cứ ra chỉ tiêu này, chỉ tiêu nọ làm mình mệt mỏi, ba mươi thì đã sao? Hãy sống vui vẻ các cô gái ba mươi nhé
Có gì đáng ngại tuổi 30?
Cuộc sống này mọi thứ đều phải theo quy luật, nếu trái quy luật thì thật là khó. Nhưng ngày nay việc con gái tuổi 30 muộn chồng không còn hiếm nữa thì nó đã trở thành phổ biến rồi. Phụ nữ ngày nay có nhiều cơ hội để khẳng định mình, họ có khát vọng về sự nghiệp nên việc lập gia đình trở nên thứ yếu. Mặt khác, khi họ đủ thông minh thì họ phải chọn người xứng đáng với mình. Hôn nhân đâu phải là đánh cược, làm sao giao phó đời mình cho một người mà mình chưa ưng ý. Vả lại, ngày nay việc ly hôn cũng trở nên phổ biến. Nhìn vào đó họ rất sợ đỗ vỡ, nhất là những người luôn muốn khẳng định mình trên mọi lĩnh vực.
Thật sự mà nói, người phụ nữ dù thành công ở sự nghiệp bao nhiêu mà không có 1 gia đình hạnh phúc thì chưa thể gọi là thành công. Cuộc đời này dài lắm, 30 đã là gì đâu. Không thể lấy chồng cho có chồng theo kiểu phong trào. Có điều con gái tuổi 30 hạ tiêu chuẩn xuống. Miễn người đàn ông đó học thức, biết cách cư xử, lương thiện, có trách nhiệm là hạnh phúc rồi.
U30 chưa chồng thì sao?
Quan hệ trong cuộc sống luôn diễn ra nhiều cung bậc. Tình yêu cũng không ngoại lệ. Có nhiều mối quan hệ cứ rượt đuổi hoài vẫn không thể tới. Mình thật sự yêu quý người này nhưng người ấy lại chẳng yêu mình. Người yêu mình thiết tha, mình lại chẳng đoái hoài. Nhưng có một điều là, phái nam hãy luôn là người chủ động chứ phái nữ không thể “vác cọc đi tìm trâu”. Tình yêu cần sự kiên nhẫn. Nhưng không thể kiên nhẫn chờ đợi với cảm giác mình nhiệt tình, còn người ta thì lạnh lùng, hờ hững.
Chông chênh
Mình chỉ mới 28 thôi, nhìn các bạn cùng lứa đều có gia đình hoặc tệ lắm cũng gặp được người thương yêu họ, mình vẫn lặng lẽ đi về một mình hằng ngày, thỉnh thoảng trong lòng cũng mang cảm giác chông chênh và khao khát một bờ vai nương tựa. Có lúc nghĩ rằng: chắc tại số mình không mắc nợ người dưng. Nhưng cũng lắm lúc lo lắng sợ ế và mong ước một gia đình hạnh phúc như bao người. Có lẽ dần tiến đến tuổi 30 con người ta càng lo lắng nhiều phải không mọi người?
Khi không tìm được điểm tựa
Khi không tìm được điểm tựa thì hãy cố đứng thẳng để mà sống. Tuổi 30 đầy hoang mang và càng gần tiến đến tuôỉ 30 cũng hoang mang không kém. Mau lo, dễ ganh tỵ, luôn cảm thâý cô đơn. Mọi thứ xung quanh như không còn giá trị gì cả. Đó là một sự sai lầm. Hãy trân trọng những gì đang có, đó là một thái độ sống tích cực dù ở độ tuổi nào đi nữa. Đây là lơì khuyên dành cho bản thân mình cũng như những người đang trong hoàn cảnh “sợ ế tơí nơi”.
Độc thân không phải là cái tội!
Người ta thích độc thân, nhưng vẫn sống cuộc đời vui vẻ, hòa đồng và biết cách đối nhân xử thế với mọi người. Điều đó, thì có liên can gì đến ai, sao lại có nhiều người phản đối. Đôi lúc là những sự quan tâm thật tình, có những lúc lại là sự đả kích vô tình làm cho họ tan nát tâm hồn, may mà những ai quyết định sống vui vẻ một mình đều có sức mạnh khó ai quật ngã. Là con gái sự mạnh mẽ đó cũng cần luyện tập nhiều lắm để vượt qua. Xin người đời đừng chê trách và cũng đừng dèm pha! Bởi họ không tìm thấy một sự nhẫn nại, một niềm tin như họ mong đợi mà thôi! Dẫu họ có một mình họ vẫn tự hào mình là cô gái thật cừ!
Chia sẻ chút thôi!
Đối với tôi, chuyện ấy là chuyện thiêng liêng, là sự kết hợp giữa tình yêu và thể xác nên tôi muốn giữ gìn cho người đàn ông gọi là chồng mình. Nhưng đến năm 25 tuổi, tôi bị 1 gã đàn ông cưỡng bức. Điều này ám ảnh tôi rất lâu, cảm giác nhơ nhuốt đau đớn khiến tôi luôn nghi ngờ tất cả đàn ông đến với mình.
Nhưng tôi vẫn không vì vậy mà đầu lụy gã đó, và cũng không trở nên sa đọa, buông thả.
Năm nay tôi 26 tuổi, tôi 1 mình, tôi cảm nhận mình trưởng thành hơn trong suy nghĩ. Tôi bắt đầu những khởi đầu mới trong học hành, cuộc sống. Tôi vẫn sống vui vẻ, và tự nhủ tha lỗi cho gã đó như là tha cho chính mình để nỗi đau không dày vò mình nữa.
Tôi vẫn giữ, giữ cái gọi là sự tôn trọng đến cùng, có thể là dành cho người chồng của tôi hoặc người mà tôi thật sự yêu thương. Tôi biết sống chậm lại, không tìm niềm vui để lấp nổi đau. Thà rằng tìm được người đàn ông thật sự của đời mình rồi lấy người đó còn hơn là vớ lấy người nào đó để khỏi bị coi là “ế”.
Tôi vẫn tin hạnh phúc sẽ đến với ai biết chờ đợi và thật sự hiểu về nó. Có chồng không đồng nghĩa là có hạnh phúc và ngược lại.
Tốt nhất lên lấy chồng trước tuổi 30
Tôi thấy phụ nữ khi đến 30 tuổi thì không còn cái trẻ trung đáng yêu của người con gái, do thời gian, suy nghĩ cuả họ đã chín chắn nên họ cũng khô khan. Nói chung là không còn sức hấp dẫn, nói gì thì nói chị em chúng ta cũng phải nhìn nhận thực tế: gái tuổi 30 rất khó lấy chồng.
Luyến tiếc
Nhiều người cứ nghĩ khi bước vào tuổi 30 mà chưa một lần yêu hay có một cái gì đó để thử vận rủi thì không nên, theo tôi tuổi 30 là lứa tuổi đẹp, suy nghĩ chín chắn nhất không nên chưa chồng mà thất vọng và muốn thử một lần cho biết, điều đó sẽ uổng phí. Tuổi 30, công việc ổn định, dành chút thời gian chăm sóc bản thân hơn, vui vẻ yêu đời hơn thì xung quanh ta sẽ vẫn có vệ tinh theo đuổi không việc gì phải luyến tiếc tuổi 20 và muốn thử một lần cho biết nó sẽ uổng phí lắm… Chị họ tôi làm ruộng năm nay 40 tuổi, chưa một lần yêu cái tuổi mà người ta gọi là gái già, nhưng vẫn vui vẻ, lạc quan lo làm, năm ngoái chị đã gặp được người đàn ông tốt và đi đến hôn nhân. Dù bạn bao nhiêu tuổi đi nữa thì hãy sống tốt, sống đẹp, vui vẻ với mọi người, lạc quan yêu đời bạn sẽ gặp được hạnh phúc.
Đồng quan điểm với Mỹ Lệ.
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