TT – Những cô gái hiện đại tuổi quá 25, làm việc trong các cao ốc văn phòng tráng lệ dường như ngày càng khó lấy chồng.
Bởi khi chạm đỉnh chín chắn, biết tính toán cho tương lai thì việc tìm một người đàn ông phù hợp với mong muốn bỗng trở nên cầu toàn ở mức lơ lửng và khó kiếm đến ngạc nhiên.
| Nếu cứ ngóng chờ mãi một chàng “lờ nhờ” có khi sẽ thành vô vọng… (ảnh minh họa)- Ảnh: Q.Nam |
Cái gì quá cũng không tốt!
Xuân Hương (27 tuổi, phó phòng kế toán một chi nhánh ngân hàng của nước ngoài tại TP.HCM) than thở: “Biết vậy ngày còn trẻ cứ gật đầu lấy đại một anh giàu giàu thì bây giờ đỡ phải mệt đầu nghĩ ngợi về tương lai ế mốc meo…”.
Ngoại hình sành điệu, thu nhập khá cao, sống cuộc đời năng động, nhưng Hương chỉ có vài bạn trai thân thiết mà không hề còn một anh chàng nào đeo đuổi tán tỉnh. Hiện thực đó như bù lại cho thời sinh viên cô có cả tá các chàng hơn năm mười tuổi, sự nghiệp ổn định, nhà cửa đàng hoàng, xếp hàng ngỏ lời mật ngọt.
Đến giờ Hương bắt đầu tiếc nuối vì hóa ra những quyết định lúc trưởng thành lại không hề dễ dàng như thời nông nổi.
Một người bạn của Hương tên Ngọc Hà (29 tuổi, làm lập trình viên công nghệ tại TP.HCM với mức lương hơn ngàn đô) cũng ở trong tình trạng độc thân không ai tán. Chẳng phải Hà theo chủ nghĩa độc thân hay có vấn đề về giới tính, mà do sự biết nhìn nhận thấu đáo bản chất người khác khiến mọi mối quan hệ khác giới của cô đều dừng ở mức bạn bè hoặc xã giao.
“Trai tệ quá tất nhiên sẽ không chọn, nhưng gặp người giàu quá thì mình mất đi thế chủ động trước người ta, đẹp trai quá thì đào hoa dễ khiến mình ghen mệt mỏi, cởi mở hào phóng quá thì không biết lo cho gia đình, mà tính toán chi li quá thì khổ mình sau này… Nói chung, bây giờ tìm một chàng “lờ nhờ”, không có gì quá nổi làm chồng là hợp nhất nhưng lại khó kiếm vô cùng” – Hà lý giải về tình trạng của mình.
Các chàng “lờ nhờ” ở đâu?
Một chàng trai tổng hợp các yếu tố “không quá xấu, không quá đẹp, không quá giàu, không quá nghèo, tâm lý thì cái gì cũng phải biết một chút nhưng không được thái quá, đã thế gia cảnh cũng phải vừa vừa tầm tầm” bỗng nhiên trở thành mục tiêu quý hiếm trong tầm ngắm của các cô gái đã quen cuộc sống độc lập, coi “đào mỏ” là một sự báng bổ nữ giới, và trên hết họ đòi hỏi sự tôn trọng lẫn nhau trong mọi mối quan hệ.
Tưởng rằng những anh chàng “cái gì cũng có mà không có gì nhiều” sẽ đầy rẫy trong xã hội, nhưng thực tế khi khoanh vùng trai độc thân trong khoảng 25-35 tuổi hợp với các nàng thì lại chẳng có chàng nào “lờ nhờ” như mong muốn.
Đem vấn đề của các cô gái ra trao đổi với một số đấng mày râu, Quang Vinh (25 tuổi, chuyên viên thiết kế, TP.HCM) phản biện: “Tôi nghĩ đó là ý của những chị đã cứng tuổi muốn tìm kiếm hạnh phúc giản đơn. Họ chỉ chiếm một phần nhỏ trong thế giới phụ nữ. Còn đa số các cô gái đều tìm kiếm bạn trai giàu có, địa vị cao, phong lưu, biết cách ăn chơi. Nên đàn ông muốn chinh phục bạn gái trẻ đẹp thì bắt buộc phải đuổi theo tiền tài danh vọng rồi. 30 tuổi mà chưa có gì xuất sắc thì nguy!”.
Cũng từng mong muốn sẽ kết hôn với một chàng trai tương đồng với mình về hình thức, vị trí xã hội và gia cảnh, nhưng rồi cuối cùng duyên phận lại gắn kết Thủy Trúc (28 tuổi, nhân viên văn phòng) với người đàn ông đã lỡ một lần đò.
Cô chia sẻ: “Nam giới chưa vợ nghĩa là chưa được trải nghiệm cuộc sống gia đình, vì thế có những vấn đề tâm lý, ý muốn của chị em mà họ không hề biết. Cho nên một là mình chấp nhận những cái thiếu ở họ, hai là đến với người đàn ông từng trải qua mọi khía cạnh cuộc sống, đồng nghĩa với việc biết bỏ qua quá khứ. Phụ nữ cầu toàn quá sẽ rất khó tìm được hạnh phúc”.
Hẳn nhiên, đến đây thì các bạn gái có ý định tìm chàng “lờ nhờ” để yêu và lấy làm chồng sẽ thấy đó là một nhiệm vụ bất khả thi, vì tình yêu hay hôn nhân đều đến từ hai phía. Mong muốn của bản thân là một chuyện, nhưng còn phải dung hòa được với điều kiện của đối phương.
Nếu chỉ khư khư áp đặt tiêu chuẩn của mình lên người khác thì dù có thả câu chốn nước mờ mờ đục đục, cá cũng sẽ quẫy đuôi bơi đi.
| Đàn ông “lờ nhờ” chỉ có trong mơ
Thăng Long (29 tuổi, thạc sĩ xã hội học, Hà Nội) phân tích: “Dù các cô gái đánh tiếng là thích “lờ nhờ” nhưng thực chất họ lại đang tìm kiếm một người đàn ông hoàn hảo cho mình. Mà thường những phụ nữ kiên trì đợi một nửa giống như tiêu chuẩn mình đặt ra thì chỉ có chết già. Nam giới 20 thì còn sốc nổi chưa định hình chắc chắn tính cách. Đến khi 30 tuổi buộc phải trưởng thành và gắn với một phông nền cá tính. Họ sẽ quyết đoán hoặc nhu nhược, gia trưởng hoặc xuề xòa, phóng khoáng hoặc chi li, rộng rãi hoặc keo kiệt… Bởi vậy tôi cho rằng đàn ông “lờ nhờ” cái gì cũng vừa phải và phải có tất cả thì chỉ xuất hiện trong mơ của chị em thôi!”. |
Bài đăng trên Tuổi Trẻ chủ nhật, ngày 03/07/2011 với tên NGUYỄN NGỌC ÁNH
(Do đang viết bài, Ngọc Ánh Idol nhắn tin say hello, mà điện thoại hết hạn gọi đi không reply được… keke)
266 Bình luận
Tuổi 25 là cái tuổi bắt đầu cho 15 năm quan trọng của cả cuộc đời người phụ nữ, và mình đánh giá cao những người phụ nữ chưa kết hôn ở độ tuổi này. Không phải họ cầu toàn, ko phải họ khó tính, cũng ko phải họ đang tìm 1 chàng trai “lờ nhờ”… điều họ tìm đó là hạnh phúc. Một hạnh phúc thật sự với người đàn ông họ yêu. Người đàn ông đó phải hội tụ đủ 3 yếu tố: Thông minh, có đạo đức và trách nhiệm. Thử hỏi, đàn ông thời nay có ai được cả 3 yếu tố đó không?
Bạn có tin rằng đến một lúc nào đó thì nửa còn lại của bạn sẽ xuất hiện?
“Những cô gái hiện đại tuổi quá 25, làm việc trong các cao ốc văn phòng tráng lệ dường như ngày càng khó lấy chồng” Những cô gái này thường là người bản lĩnh, sống tự lập cao dẫn đến là có thì tốt, không có mình vẫn sông tốt, cho nên các cô ít quan tâm, tìm hiểu, mở rộng quan hệ hướng tới mục tiêu tìm một người ưng ý. Trong môi trường công việc, nếu khâm phục tài năng một người bạn trai và người này đáng mặt “làm trai” một tí thì dễ lọt vào mắt xanh, và phần lớn bạn đời của họ là người này, còn lại không còn nhiều thời gian cho môi trường khác nên cũng khó chọn lựa hơn. Cũng có thể tự nhiên họ gặp một nửa còn lại do ngẫu nhiên tình cờ, qua ánh mắt, qua nuj cười, nhưng đây phải là người giàu tình cảm, có trái tim biết rung động hơn là lý trí phân tích thiệt hơn mới yêu và đến với nhau theo kiểu này. Anh chàng “lờ nhờ ” vừa tầm nàng chắc phải có khoảng 60% về tình cảm và 40 % cơ sở vật chất, tỉ lệ ngược lại chưa chắc nàng đã hài lòng vì đây là các cô đã có tiền, chỉ còn thiếu tình (và có thêm tiền nữa thì càng tốt chứ sao).
Thật ra mình thấy tiêu chuẩn đưa ra chỉ là 1 phần nào đó thôi. Nhưng khi mình gặp đúng một nửa của mình thì dù người ấy không được như mình mong đợi, mình cũng sẽ vẫn yêu mà thôi. Tình yêu vốn dĩ không có qui luật nhất định. Còn như bạn ở Cần Thơ nói con gái chỉ cần biết đảm đang và làm việc nội trợ ở nhà thì chỉ đúng với những gia đình khá giả thôi.
Ngoài ra, với mức sống hiện nay, thì hầu như người phụ nữa cũng phải ra ngoài kiếm tiến, lo phụ gia đình một tay chứ? nếu như chỉ biết ở nhà, đợi chồng mang tiền về thì có lẽ… theo mình thấy con gái cũng nên có học thức một tí, vừa kiếm được tiến phụ gia đình, vừa có thể dạy con tốt hơn.
Nhân vô thập toàn
Mình thấy bài viết khá đúng với những tâm trạng của giới trẻ hiện nay. Nên hạ thấp tiêu chuẩn của mình xuống cho gần bằng với cuộc sống thực tế. Ai cũng có thể mắc sai lầm và không hoàn mỹ, có thể trước mắt ta họ hoàn mỹ nhưng biết đâu tương lai họ không còn được vậy. Vì vậy chỉ cần đưa ra những tiêu chuẩn và phải tìm hiểu kỹ về các giá trị nhân văn là chính, cần tự tạo ra nhiều tình huống giả để thử lòng đối phương trong suốt quá trình yêu nhau. Mình thấy người con gái không cần học cao, chỉ cần biết đảm đang và cùng mình làm việc nội trợ ở nhà, yêu gia đình hết mực và biết dạy con sống tốt là có thể dễ tìm thấy “một nửa” của mình
Tôi thích một người không quá giỏi nhưng phải nghiêm chỉnh trong tình ái và không đòi hỏi tôi phải sinh con trong khi kinh tế gia đình còn khó khăn.
Mình nghĩ những cô gái ở tuổi 25 trở lên, kiến thức nhiều, trải nghiệm nhiều và ăn nói có duyên một chút thì chẳng sợ ế đâu.
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