Phỏng vấn Keng đăng trên GiadinhNet ngày 14/05/2010
GiadinhNet - Một biểu hiện của sự tự tin. Hay là một cách sống chủ động? Dù thế nào cái “món” tên là Keng cũng đang làm sôi động cả một góc văn học mạng.
Hiếm nhân vật nào của tôi đã có một cái kết
- Ba cuốn sách của Keng hầu như chỉ xoay quanh câu chuyện của những cô gái “quay cuồng vì yêu” – một thứ tình yêu tan vỡ và đầy thiếu hụt, vì sao thế? Vì sao không tìm thấy trong truyện của bạn những kết thúc có hậu?
- Không gì ngoài chất liệu đã tạo nên kết cục buồn cho mỗi câu chuyện viết về tình yêu của tôi. Những cô gái sống bản năng, khi khởi đầu tình yêu bao giờ cũng mãnh liệt pha chút khờ dại. Không phải họ quay cuồng mà chính là hiện thực phũ phàng quay cuồng quanh họ, khiến họ chống chếnh, say, và đến khi tỉnh mới nhận ra rằng một trong hai người đã lỡ tay làm tình yêu tan vỡ, hoặc vì quá sóng sánh đến khi lặng mới biết đã thiếu hụt thật nhiều. Chuyện tình đẹp chỉ thấy trong truyện – phim. Tôi luôn chứng kiến hoặc đã từng trải qua những đoạn cuối cuộc tình đầy đắng xót. Nếu như “chất liệu” của tôi được bàn tay cuộc sống gia giảm thêm vị ngọt ngào, hạnh phúc, có lẽ ba cuốn sách của tôi đã làm hài lòng những độc giả luôn thích kết thúc phải có hậu. Mà thực ra hiếm nhân vật nào của tôi đã có một cái kết. Cả họ và tôi đều đang chờ xem đến lúc nào mình tìm thấy hạnh phúc.
- Trong truyện của Keng, chân dung những người đàn ông hầu hết đều xấu xí đến đáng ghét, điều đó có vẻ quá già dặn và cay đắng với một cô gái mới ngoài hai mươi tuổi. Keng xây dựng những câu chuyện ấy dựa trên kinh nghiệm của cá nhân?
- Như tôi đã nói: Đơn thuần là chất liệu, không gì ngoài chất liệu. Sự trải nghiệm có thể là việc tôi chứng kiến, hoặc đã xảy ra trong cuộc đời tôi, tất cả là kinh nghiệm thông qua cách nhận thức của tôi.
- Yếu tố sexy và tình dục trong truyện Keng so với nhiều người viết ở Việt Nam không phải là quá táo bạo, nhưng vẫn có khuyến cáo “Chỉ đọc khi tuổi đã 18″ ở bìa “Dị bản” – nó chỉ đơn thuần để gây chú ý thôi sao?
- Thực tế đã chứng minh rằng nó rất gây chú ý với độc giả. Nhưng khi đặt dòng khuyến cáo đó lên bìa sách, tôi cũng như đơn vị xuất bản nào dám chắc nó lôi kéo sự chú ý hay phản cảm cơ chứ? Bản thân tôi nghĩ rằng, mình là tác giả mới, chưa ai biết lối viết của mình như thế nào, trong khi tác phẩm lại đề cập nhiều đến chuyện tình dục, nó hoàn toàn không phù hợp với những bạn đọc quá trẻ, nên tôi dán nhãn độ tuổi lên bìa sách để phần nào mong tác phẩm của mình tiếp cận đúng đối tượng độc giả.
Phụ nữ cảm nhận vẻ đẹp của sex bằng “Nhục cảm” chứ không phải “Nhục dục”
- Thực ra, khi viết về sex, Keng khá cổ điển, nhân vật “tôi” trong “Hồi ức của một con đĩ không yêu nghề” chỉ cảm nhận được vẻ đẹp của sex khi có tình yêu, có ngoại lệ nào không?
- Tuyệt nhiên không có ngoại lệ, không phải chỉ tính đến thời điểm này, mà sẽ là không bao giờ mãi về sau này. Đối với tôi, phụ nữ cảm nhận vẻ đẹp của sex bằng “Nhục cảm” chứ không phải “Nhục dục”. Nếu đánh mất chữ “Cảm”, nghĩa là trong sex không hề có yêu thương, thì chỉ còn lại chữ “Nhục”. Một chữ “Nhục” sẽ có rất nhiều nghĩa để mình hiểu, nhưng tuyệt đối bản thân nó chưa bao giờ có được vẻ đẹp cả.
- Trong một lần trả lời phỏng vấn Keng nói rằng mình “viết chân thực về lối sống hiện đại”, Keng thích và ghét gì ở lối sống ấy?
- Tôi chấp nhận và hoà hợp với lối sống hiện đại. Bởi nếu không sống chung với nó, tôi sẽ sống ở đâu? Nó là môi trường tạo nên cuộc đời tôi, thậm chí nó chính là Cuộc Đời, nên tôi chẳng ghét gì ở nó. Đời không chán mình thì sao mình phải chán đời? Điều tôi cố gắng sống mỗi ngày, chính là yêu thích nó nhiều hơn.
- Còn thiếu một cá tính (hoặc yếu tố gì) để các nhân vật nữ của Keng tìm được nụ cười trong tình yêu?
- Thiếu sự Thấu Hiểu từ phía những người đàn ông trong cuộc đời. Họ thích các cô gái giống như trong truyện của tôi, họ thèm muốn các cô ấy, nhưng khi tiếp cận họ lại không cách nào hiểu được hoặc hiểu sai về con người, về tâm hồn của các cô ấy. Và họ nghĩ rằng chỉ dạo chơi sẽ tốt hơn. Sau mỗi cuộc chơi người sẽ đi mất, chỉ còn lại dấu vết hoang tàn, như trong bài thơ “Đánh đu” của nữ sĩ Hồ Xuân Hương: “Cọc nhổ đi rồi lỗ bỏ không”.
- Keng không ngần ngại công khai thông tin bị đuổi việc khỏi công ty quảng cáo, điều ấy là một trải nghiệm cố tình?
- Quả thật là tôi cố tình. Vì thế nên tôi mới công khai việc mình bị sa thải. Một trải nghiệm cố tình nên chính tôi là người sai, chứ thực ra công ty cũ đã luôn đối xử rất tốt với tôi.
- Rồi sau đó Keng tìm việc mới như thế nào và làm sao để tránh được những mâu thuẫn cũ dường như ở công ty nào cũng vậy?
- Tôi đã rất màu mè với sơ yếu lý lịch tìm công việc trên mạng. Nhiều nhà tuyển dụng tìm đến tôi vì họ ấn tượng hoặc tò mò xem tôi là người như thế nào mà tự tin thái quá như vậy. Và rồi cảm nhận của tôi sau những cuộc gặp gỡ là: Tôi không hợp với mong muốn của họ hoặc họ không hợp với khả năng của tôi. Nên sau đó tôi đành phải gửi sơ yếu lý lịch cho một nhà tuyển dụng tôi tìm thấy trên mạng. Các bước tiếp theo là tôi có một công việc mới trong một lĩnh vực mới. Và tôi bắt đầu học nghề lại từ đầu, không ngạo mạn bởi những thành tích của quá khứ. Nên chắc chắn chưa nảy sinh những mâu thuẫn cũ.
- Sự thách thức này của bạn có liên quan đến việc “mệt mỏi vì tiền” không, bởi dù thế nào thu nhập cũng là một yếu tố quan trọng để ta duy trì cuộc sống, thậm chí là để yêu?
- Tôi không có nhiều nhu cầu sử dụng tiền, bởi thế hiếm khi mệt mỏi vì tiền. Tôi có nhiều nguồn thu nhập, nên nhiều khi cũng chẳng để ý khoản lương của mình. Mà tôi cũng chẳng điên vì yêu để phải điên tiền (cười). Sự thách thức chỉ nằm trong khuôn khổ ngược ngạo của cá tính thôi.
Tôi sẵn sàng cho mọi thay đổi!
- Khi bạn trẻ, bạn tự do và bạn có năng lực, bạn có thể lựa chọn tình yêu và hạnh phúc không?
- Có thể. Nếu bạn giữ tự do trong sự an phận. Tình yêu và Hạnh phúc sẽ chỉ là hư ảo nếu không dẫn đến một sự kiện giống hầu hết kết thúc của các câu chuyện cổ tích: Hoàng tử, hoặc công chúa lấy được người mình yêu và hạnh phúc mãi mãi về sau. Tự do là chuyện của cá nhân, còn gia đình lại là vấn đề chung của hai người kết nối với hàng trăm mối liên hệ khác trong cuộc sống. Nếu không an phận dung hoà chuyện cá nhân vào chuyện chung thì lựa chọn sẽ không phải là tình yêu và hạnh phúc, mà là sai lầm mãi mãi về sau.
- Điều gì khiến Keng chùn bước không lao vào những thử nghiệm mới?
- Khi không nhìn thấy “Khả Năng Tốt” đến với mình, tôi sẽ không dám thử nghiệm. Ví dụ: tôi sẽ không sử dụng ma túy, không tình một đêm, không giữ mối quan hệ với một người vô bổ… Còn đối với những thử thách để nâng mình lên một mức độ cao hơn, tôi sẵn sàng cho mọi thay đổi!
- Sự khác biệt đang được tôn vinh, cả trong đời sống và các hoạt động nghệ thuật. Keng đã làm điều đó như thế nào?
- Tôi luôn là tôi. Vì tôi biết trên thế gian này chẳng có ai “keng” giống mình!
- Tất cả mọi người khi tiếp xúc với Keng đều nhận xét rằng cô ấy rất tự tin. Sự tự tin này có trước hay sau khi Keng in sách? Làm thế nào để tự tin mà không lố?
- Hồi tôi miệt mài viết truyện post lên blog và khi cảm thấy được một lượng chữ kha khá, tôi đã tự tin nói với Nhà xuất bản rằng: tôi muốn họ bỏ tiền ra in sách của tôi! Tôi kể chuyện này vì tôi sẽ không có được tự tin nếu trong tay không có gì. Tôi tự tin về những gì mình đã sở hữu, chứ không ảo tưởng hão huyền về tương lai, thì đảm bảo ít khi lố.
- Chuyển hướng sang viết theo kiểu kỳ ảo vì lối viết này đang ăn khách, Keng cũng là người chiều chuộng độc giả đấy chứ?
- Tôi đang viết những cốt truyện không thực, vì ghen tỵ với óc tưởng tượng của các nhà văn nổi tiếng khác. Sự chuyển hướng này không vì chiều chuộng độc giả, mà bởi tôi muốn thử sức trong một lối viết khác. Chứ nếu bám theo sự ăn khách thì nhỡ đâu sách tôi chưa kịp in thì xu hướng đã đổi. Chẳng hóa tôi là một kẻ lỗi thời.
|
Keng, tên thật Đỗ Thị Thùy Linh, sinh năm 1983, hiện đang sống và làm việc tại TPHCM.
Các sách đã xuất bản:
1. Dị bản – chỉ đọc khi tuổi đã 18 (NXB Văn Nghệ), phát hành tháng 07 năm 2008. In lần đầu: 6.000 bản.
2. Hồng gai – về nhan sắc danh giá phù phiếm (NXB Văn Học & ChiBooks), phát hành tháng 7 năm 2009. 3. Đôi mắt không còn ướt nước – nhật ký tình yêu đã qua đời (NXB Văn Nghệ), phát hành tháng 8 năm 2009. |
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