Viết tặng 1 Blogger vừa lìa xa dương trần.
Cầu mong anh hạnh phúc nơi thiên đường.
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Tự nhiên tôi thấy linh hồn và thể xác mình tách đôi. Thân thể khỏe mạnh đầy sức sống của tôi giờ đây cạn kiệt sinh khí đổ gục xuống nền nhà. Chuyện lạ!
Mẹ chạy đến bên ôm và lay thân hình tôi trong những âm thanh lạc giọng đau đớn. Nước mắt mẹ nhòa ướt, cơ mặt biến đổi vẽ nên tột cùng tuyệt vọng. Những người thân của tôi ùa đến. Tiếng khóc – Nước mắt – Giọng đặc lại gọi tên tôi đầy thê lương. Mọi người nói tôi đã chết.
Không! Tôi vẫn đang ở đây, ở bên cạnh mọi người, nhìn thấy cõi lòng tan nát của mọi người. Lẽ nào tôi chết được? Người đời chẳng nói: Chết là hết, là kết thúc thật sự đó sao? Tôi vẫn còn ở đây, trong chính ngôi nhà của mình. Tôi vẫn nghe thấy hơi thở của từng người, ngửi được mùi cơ thể của từng người,… Đâu có sự kết thúc, đâu có dấu chấm hết? Vậy mà mọi người vẫn nói tôi đã chết. Họ khóc thương tôi. Từng trái tim thổn thức, từng khúc ruột quặn thắt, từng đôi mắt u buồn. Một bầu không khí thảm buồn, lành lạnh.
Tôi chạy đến bên mẹ đang phủ phục xuống thi thể tôi và run lên những tiếng nấc nghẹn mất mát. Tôi thì thầm sát tai mẹ: “Mẹ ơi! Con đây! Con ở bên cạnh mẹ mà. Mẹ đừng khóc như thế chứ? Con đâu có rời xa mẹ. Mẹ ơi! Đừng khóc nữa, mẹ…” . Dường như mẹ không nghe thấy lời tôi, mẹ vẫn nấc từng cơn, thân thể tiều tụy. Tôi muốn đỡ mẹ dậy, để mẹ nhìn thấy tôi, để mẹ thôi khóc. Và tôi vươn hai cánh tay đến ôm lấy mẹ. Lạ kỳ, bàn tay tôi cứ như với vào không trung, xuyên qua mẹ yêu quý của tôi. Hình hài của tôi giờ đây chỉ là không khí, là sự trong suốt khiến chẳng ai nhìn thấy tôi, chẳng ai nghe được lời tôi. Hoảng hốt. Tôi ào vào những người thân của mình. Họ sẽ cảm nhận được sức nặng của tôi đè vào họ. Nhưng ai cũng đứng im. Còn tôi đi xuyên qua cơ thể họ. Buồn nản, tôi ngồi bệt xuống nền nhà và khóc. Nước mắt không hề chảy ra. Hốc mắt tôi trống rỗng. Tôi không tồn tại trong cuộc sống này nữa rồi, ngoại trừ cái xác cứng đờ đang là trung tâm khóc thương của mọi người. Tôi chỉ là 1 linh hồn nhẹ bỗng hòa cùng không khí thôi sao? Và nếu tôi cứ luẩn quẩn ở đây, chắc hẳn người ta sẽ nói tôi là một hồn ma không siêu thoát được.
Tôi đứng dậy và bắt đầu cảm thấy sự nhẹ bẫng của mình. Đôi chân trần của tôi không còn cảm nhận được cái mát lạnh của nền gạch nữa, chúng nâng hình hài của tôi lên khỏi mặt sàn, rồi tôi lướt đi trong không khí. Như gió, như mây…
Tôi vào căn phòng nhỏ của mình, computer ở góc nhấp nháy đèn nghỉ. Tôi nhìn vào con chuột, màn hình bật sáng, vài cửa sổ internet đang mở sẵn. Một trang tin tức, và vài trang blog vuông vắn trên màn hình. Tôi chạm tay vào màn hình, cảm giác xuyên qua lớp kính và chới với trong một khoảng không gian rộng lớn. Nhanh chóng toàn bộ linh hồn của tôi bị hút qua màn hình máy tính và đặt chân đến trước cổng 1 ngôi làng. Hàng ngàn những ngôi nhà nhỏ nhấp nhô trong nắng sớm. Tấm biển chỉ đường ghi: “Làng Blog” làm tôi hiểu ra tất cả. Tôi đang phiêu du ở 1 thế giới ảo – Một thế giới mà khi còn sống tôi luôn coi là nơi thư giản xả stress của mình. Khi bạn chết đi, bạn có thể sống thực trong thế giới ảo. Và tôi đang bước một cách thực tế vào thế giới ảo của mình.
Đầu tiên tôi đi tìm ngôi nhà của mình. Một ngôi nhà giản đơn màu sắc tươi sáng như kỳ vọng của tôi đối với cuộc sống. Người bạn thân đã thay tôi viết lên đó thông báo: chủ nhân đi vắng dài hạn và sẽ không quay trở về. Những hàng xóm thân thương tấp nập ra vào xót xa cầu chúc tôi thanh thản đến được heaven, những người qua đường nghi hoặc là 1 câu chuyện đùa táo tợn. Nhân gian vốn đầy hoài nghi, sống trên blog càng hoài nghi gấp bội. Tôi trước đây hay đùa, nhưng có ai muốn mang mạng sống của mình ra đùa bỡn. Họa chăng kẻ điên.
Tôi đọc được những giọt nước mắt, những tâm hồn trĩu nặng bởi nhìn thấy được ranh giới sinh tử mong manh. Tôi chợt nhớ trong ngôi làng blog này, có 1 người con gái mình đã ngày đêm thương nhớ. Khi mới quen, tôi đã nhủ hằng đêm sẽ gọi tên em 1000 lần cho đến khi nào em đi lấy chồng thì thôi. Em ở cách xa tôi 1735Km, em lãng mạn và đa cảm, tôi đ�
� thương em từ không gian ảo này, từ những comment, những bức mail riêng tư, những entry ngụ ý đầy bí ẩn,… Rồi những lần “on the phone” để nghe giọng nói của em, trái tim tôi lại lỗi nhịp. Người con gái đó tôi thường viết bằng hai chữ “MT” – Là Em Tôi, là Mũi Tên thần Cupid đã bắn xuyên qua tôi từ cự ly gần 2000 cây số, là áng Mây Trắng diệu vợi ru êm lòng tôi khi vấp những buồn bực . Em là một thứ Ma Túy đã chế ngự linh hồn tôi. Tôi đi tìm em. Tôi muốn gặp em – việc mà khi còn sống tôi chưa thể thực hiện được.
Tôi theo những comment bước vào nhà của từng hàng xóm. Nhiều người bạn đã viết entry vĩnh biệt tôi. Và rồi tôi đã dừng rất lâu lại ngôi nhà của 1 nữ nhân tôi từng coi như em gái. Cô ấy từng gọi tôi là sư phụ để chia sẻ những nỗi niềm của mình. Tôi thương cô ấy vì hoàn cảnh mẹ con côi cút phải rời xa nhau, tôi luôn muốn những điều tốt đẹp nhất sẽ đến với cô, tôi mong cô hạnh phúc, nhưng trước sau tôi chỉ coi cô như Em gái. Cô ấy đã dành tặng cho tôi 1 entry chất chứa tang thương, cô nói cô hận tôi – hận tôi suốt cuộc đời vì đã rời xa cô ấy. Cô ấy còn nói sẽ không bao giờ nhắc đến tên tôi nữa (dĩ nhiên cô ấy đã viết nhầm tên tôi). Tự nhiên muốn thở dài, muốn mình có thể nói chuyện được với cô ấy, để có thể hỏi cô: Tại sao? Tại sao cô làm như thế? Tại sao cô lại lấy những góc khuất trong tình cảm của tôi dành cho người con gái khác để tạo ánh hào quang cho mình? Tại sao cô lại làm một hồn ma như tôi không thể thanh thản trong một thế giới khác? Tại sao? Cô ấy không đeo tang tôi. Cô ấy ngụy tạo những nỗi đau để biến mình thành người con gái bí ẩn trong những entry đầy yên thương của tôi dành cho MT. Cô ấy qua những ngôi nhà ảo khác kể lể về niềm đau của mình khi tôi ra đi. Chỉ bởi lần tôi comment nhầm 1 lời yêu thương nơi thềm nhà cô ấy, giờ đây đã trở thành vật triển lãm minh chứng cho tình yêu thầm kín giữa hai chúng tôi. Ôi, nhân gian blog sao cũng thật nhiều trái ngang.
Tôi đứng trong ngôi nhà ảo của cô gái ấy, nhìn thấy gương mặt cô qua màn hình. Khuôn mặt cô u buồn ủ dột, nhưng mỗi khi có 1 người khách viếng thăm, gửi những lời động viên chia sẻ về cái chết của tôi, đôi mắt cô lại ánh lên những niềm vui ma quái. Tôi băn khoăn với lòng: “Chẳng lẽ cô ấy thấy thích thú với trò này? Chẳng lẽ cô ấy thích được tỏa sáng với thứ hào quang đi mượn từ một người đã lìa xa dương trần như tôi?…” . Nhưng chẳng ai có thể nghe được giọng nói của tôi nữa rồi, tôi không thể giải thích, không thể khuyên bảo cô ấy, không thể khiến MT của tôi khỏi hoài nghi về những điều cô gái này đã làm. Tôi phải đi tìm em. Tôi muốn được nhìn thấy em, ở bên cạnh em… cho đến khi linh phách tôi phiêu tán dần khỏi cuộc sống này.
Ngôi nhà của em câm lặng, u ám. Em không online. Em đang ở cuộc sống thực của mình. Tôi men theo địa chỉ IP đến nhà em. Căn phòng lộn xộn nỗi buồn đau. Em nằm trên giường, cơ thể lả đi vì nước mắt tuôn rơi quá nhiều. Tiếng thì thầm đứt quãng gọi tên tôi. Tôi chạm vào những giọt nước mắt nóng bỏng của em, hư không, nước mắt chảy xuyên qua những ngón tay của tôi. Em vẫn cứ khóc tức tưởi.
Chúng tôi yêu nhau trên blog, đã có những hờn ghen vì tình cảm của những người con gái khác dành cho tôi. Tôi đã làm em giận, tôi đã mắc lỗi với em, nhưng tôi yêu em nhiều lắm, em có biết không? Sâu thẳm. Sâu đậm như nỗi đau của em bây giờ. Giá như đánh đổi bất cứ điều gì để có một phép lạ. Tôi chỉ muốn mình được hiện hình trước em, ôm em vào lòng và nói rằng: Tôi rất yêu em.
“MT yêu thương! Anh đã làm em buồn, anh đã làm em khổ, anh đã làm nước mắt em rơi quá nhiều, anh đã nợ em một sinh mệnh… Nếu kiếp sau đầu thai trở lại làm người, anh vẫn muốn gặp em, yêu em và sẽ ở bên em suốt cả cuộc đời. Hiện tại anh chỉ mong em can đảm sống, hãy nhớ trong tim đã là niềm hạnh phúc khiến anh luôn mỉm cười nơi thiên đường rồi. Cứng rắn và vui vẻ sống nhé yêu thương của anh. Linh hồn Anh sẽ luôn dõi theo em cho đến khi tiềm thức tan biến hoàn toàn để chuẩn bị tái sinh một cuộc sống mới. Trái tim anh đã từng rất yêu em!”
Dường như em hiểu được ý nguyện của tôi. Em đã đứng dậy, dù khuôn mặt khảm đầy vẻ ủ dột, nhưng trong ánh mắt em đã phôi pha những tuyệt vọng. Em ngồi vào bàn, nắn nót viết tên tôi vào quyển sổ nhật ký, kèm theo dòng chữ: “Tình yêu của em”. Em dành cho tôi những lời yêu diệu vợi, những niềm tin mãnh liệt, tình yêu với tôi là một điều kỳ diệu che trở cho nghị lực sống của em. Em sẽ hạnh phúc vì tôi luôn luôn hiện hữu trong trái tim của em – Tôi vẫn sống như chưa từng chết đi, chưa từng ngừng thở giữa cuộc đời hối hả, lưu chuyển từng giây này. Bởi đó là Tình yêu. Tình yêu thực sự.
MT yêu thương! Em hãy bình yên và Em sẽ hạnh phúc!
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Linh hồn của chàng trai đó lang thang nơi thế giới ảo. Đặt chân sang thế giới bên kia đâu phải ngay lập tức đã dẹp hết những
trăn trở, vương vấn. Còn quá nhiều điều khi sống mình chưa kịp thực hiện, còn quá nhiều trắc trở mình chưa kịp giải quyết. Nhưng khi chỉ còn lại linh hồn thì làm điều gì cũng khó khăn. Cuộc sống thực nhiều lưu luyến – Thế giới ảo cũng biết bao vướng mắc. Và rồi chàng chợt tìm được 1 tâm hồn đồng điệu đang ngồi trước màn hình gõ lách cách. Chàng đã nhập hồn vào người đó để viết nên những lời tự sự trên. Đơn giản vì: Chết đâu phải là hết. Chết đâu có nghĩa là chúng ta không còn sống trong lòng mọi người. Vì thế hãy đừng bao giờ dùng đến từ: “… cuối cùng dành cho…”. Chỉ có thể xác là an nghỉ, linh hồn vẫn tồn tại đâu đây… Duy có điều ở thế giới sống, linh hồn khó can thiệp được vào mà thôi. Người chết vẫn còn bên người sống – như những ngôi sao trên trời, lấp lánh hằng đêm…
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writen by Keng
234 Bình luận
Sặc…! Keng dạo nỳ có vẻ thích.truyện nhỉ? Sao thế leng keng?
Truyen hay lam!
Chuyện viết gì ghê quá vậy!
Bạn không nghĩ đây là một câu chuyện có thật sao ?
Mình viết theo ý niệm, cũng chẳng rõ vì sao mình viết cả…
hay lắm ^^
http://tinnhanhblog.com/article/truyenngan/1637/
Hay va y nghia qua! Sau sac. Nhung buon.
hay ghê!
doc. mot^. nua? ko doc. nua~, tu. nhie^n thay^’ gai gai dang` sau gay, Hic’
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